quatre . four :
sometimes I wonder-forget how - & why ? - I fall for someone . or how someone - him, & before that, her, & even before, another him - falls for me . especially now - as I know I will see him again . & it is disturbing that I shall not know how to answer . to try to understand how this could happen, without having spoken to each other - which questions, in my mind, what belongs to lust . what might belong to anything-else-deeper . & what I feel .
. such a pessimistic struggle . such an inner castrophony ..